Boxhead

Punny

2008-06-19T17:19:55Z

Don't ask me why he misspells tired.

The Thing re-enacted by the G.I. Joe Players

2008-06-19T17:06:57Z

I had a period when I was young where I realized that if you smashed up a certain berry we had growing around the house (it had a white flesh) and some fake blood, you could make something that looked like a horrific flesh trauma on your G.I. Joe dolls. Gut shots were particularly suited to this. So for a while there (I'm sure it was around Halloween) all my make believe battles would have horrible corpses strewn around after the end (including amputees. You could disassemble a G.I. Joe, it was just a rubber band connecting the parts. Then you could theoretically put them back together, but their hips were always a little loose after that. It wasn't the favorites that had their legs blown off usually)

When I used to play with cars, they'd race around for a while then inevitably get into huge fiery crashes. After the BWOOSH explosion noise I would always have a time where the wind would blow mournfully over the twisted metal remains and obviously mangled and burnt beyond all recognition bodies of the imaginary drivers.

At one point I was in a doctor's office and I saw a kid do the exact same thing. I felt a kinship.

It's old...

2008-04-25T22:03:47Z

Nothing new, but I figure if any of my friends haven't seen this I'm doing a disservice.

William Gibson, Hippy

2008-04-14T22:36:43Z

In defense, I ask what if you were documented at 19?

Sci-fi was just cooler in the 70's

2008-04-13T16:51:41Z

Poetry Reading

2008-04-11T17:51:16Z

So, the girlfriend's son, as part of his creative writing endeavors, is vaguely involved with a high school literary magazine, called Aerie. Cool. So they had a little get together poetry reading to raise money. Cool. I'm expected to go. Not so cool.

Don't get me wrong. I like poetry (check a few posts back, when I stuck a few poems of mine on here). It's just that watching local poetry readings fills me with a level of cringe I didn't know I was capable of. My girlfriend kept asking me if I was all right cause I guess I kept making involuntary faces or I would be holding my head in my hands and looking very intently at the ground.

High school poetry reading. Oh god, how earnest we were then. We all felt we had the world to say. Really I think it was the earnestness of everyone that was killing me. The high school girl who had never left Missoula reading her poem about Africa with accompanying bongo. Much effusive description. Sensual description of flowing rivers equaling women's hips. Dark jungles. High school girls LOVE the sensual poem I've learned. Erotic imagery left and right. Yay for discovering you got them urges.

I've never particularly liked poetry about things you don't know. Of course, with high school kids in Missoula that's gonna be a lot. I liked the poem by the high school girl discussing swimming at the local water hole and realizing she had the boys wrapped around her finger. Stupid levels of awareness in her. She scares me.

The poem about massacres in Darfur? Ow, ow, ow, ow.

The poem about cinnamon toast cooking in the kitchen. Fine, if a little sweet. (heh)

Also, please stop the sing-song cadence of reading poetry. Up and down, loud then soft. The Creative Writing director of UofM (A transplant from NEW YORK CITY) read her poetry in that exact same way. You couldn't tell when the poem was over cause every phrase ended the exact same trailing off way. It was always a strange wait after the end and before applause started.

Oh well, I'm sure the teachers kept saying to the kids, "Write about what you know!" And the kids kept saying to themselves, "I hate my stupid boring normal life. Why would I write about that. That's for MySpace."

I see it all so clearly now..

2008-04-08T19:42:23Z

And through this revolting graveyard of the universe the muffled, maddening beating of drums, and thin, monotonous whine of blasphemous flutes from inconceivable, unlighted chambers beyond Time; the detestable pounding and piping whereunto dance slowly, awkwardly, and absurdly the gigantic, tenebrous ultimate gods — the blind, voiceless, mindless gargoyles whose soul is Nyarlathotep.
—H. P. Lovecraft, Nyarlathotep

TF2 is endless fun..

2008-04-07T17:28:24Z

So, Team Fortress 2. Huuuuuuuge fun. I think I've logged in like 90 hours on it total. A FPS that you can feel like you're contributing to even if you're not a person who plays 5 hours a day, every day. Much about team tactics, holding down choke points, etc. If you just can't seem to get a cross-hair on a fool to save your life, play an engineer or a medic. (play the medic. too many people play the engineers.) Also the Orange box it comes in (though I think now they're selling them seperately?) has Portal. I think you've heard of that one.

So here is a horribly, horribly cute YouTube about a non-FPS'r playing TF 2. It is funnier if you've played a little TF2 so as to catch a couple of the more subtle cute-isms. But I think it's fairly universal.

I particularly like it when she apologizes for killing people.

Obama in Missoula

2008-04-06T02:19:59Z

Well, I got to see Obama at his rally here in Missoula this morning. Yay. I gotta admit, I eat up pretty much everything he says. If you wish to hear a point by point cap of how I agree on his policies, feel free to email me.

Anyways, he has humble personality to spare. A fairly charismatic but not slick speaker. One of my favorite points in the speech was when he was discussing how he was willing to talk to evil, evil countries.

"So, when I said this.. Congress and the media and everyone was all in a tizzy, saying 'You can't do that!' And I said 'Yes, I can.'"

Imagine it delivered perfectly.

The line was hugely long. Get 8000 people or so all lined up and it looks like this:

From the Adams Center..

Curving around the Music Building and doubling up again on the and then curving back again..

Down past the Gallagher Business Building...

And down to Arthur Ave.

It then curved around one more time past the Business Building to 6th Street. Fairly happy people all around.

Inside, I made a bad choice of my seating. Originally I was sat around the back of the podium. I said to myself, "Hell I don't want to just see the back of his head.." But I would have been really close. I could have gotten a super nice shot as he walked in. Instead I wandered around to the front. Nice and centered , but a lot of people had the same idea and I ended way further back than my lens was happy with. Anyways, the two half-assed pictures I did get.

Yes that man on the stage is Obama, not some strange fire wisp in a suit.

It was a good time, an hour went by in a flash. I got all happy, clapped, felt that 'by God, this man may change things'. He's getting my vote. Hope some of his promises come through.

I'm here for your cultural education

2008-04-04T21:32:36Z

Good webcomic...

Here's the start: The Abominable Charles Christopher

Let yourself go at least 5 in to get the feel of it.

When I can't think of things...

2008-04-04T20:49:22Z

I'll just post music videos I like..

Nicely caters to my Jesus and Mary Chain fix I've been needing, for, uh, years.

I never said it was going to be the newest of stuff. You get it as I get it.

Obama coming to Missoula

2008-04-03T17:54:13Z

Welp, I've been thinking of restarting the ol' Livejournal as of late. But every time I tried to think of a good start I failed. It all sounded too Dear Diary. Anyways, something worthy of blogging is happening. Obama is going to be coming to Missoula this Saturday and I hope to be there watching him. It's a little early for this bear.. doors open at 8:00 AM. Speechifying starts at 10:00 AM. I'm hearing rumors of some co-workers planning on camping out starting at 5:00 AM.

There was a ticketing system sort of set up, but it's an e-mail to you saying "You have a ticket!" so I can see it being abused. Oh well, here's hoping I get in. (but not hoping enough to stand outside for three hours.)

I have to admit I get a little giddy. There's something about politicians that trigger a switch in my head. When I was in high school the history class traveled by bus to see Bill Clinton stumping when he was running for President. So he shook hands with the line, and the ones of us that bothered to try and get into the line (liberal geeks) got a handshake. We all got a fame contact-high I think and gushed about it afterwards. The farm boys in the class (not Clinton fans) were suitably disparaging of our man-crushes.

Another start

2004-12-01T23:16:28Z

The writerly bug has struck me again and I thought I would return to filling out the occasional journal entry on this, the most voyeuristic form of introspection you can find.

To do a quick recap of my life from the last journal entry,

Went to Hawaii for 3 months. Found no jobs in the software industry on the Big Island of Hawaii. Did however cement my ability to stay withdrawn in even the most beautiful of climates with very friendly people. Of course the thing I found with people living in Hawaii is they're willing to be surface friendly with you but seem to keep a bit of themselves back in the anticipation that you will be leaving in under 6 months most likely. Hawaii supports its current working population, to find a very profitable new niche requires some work. And entrepenurial creativity. I did get a little better at boogie boarding though. This is known as surfing lite to everyone on the island. Don't expect much respect over 13 unless you're really pushing it with your board.

Came back to Missoula, to my nice little in house tech and programming job for a business. Databases,
Access and webpages. It's a living while I ride out my chemo. Excellent health benefits as it's a University job.

coasting.

Hawaii

2003-10-02T03:57:56Z

So, on December 6, i'll be taking a plane to hawaii.. to be staying there for an undetermined amount of time.

No job planned, nothing like that.. just the fact that my parents bought me a ticket to Hawaii for graduation and i want a change.

Maudlin Self Pity

2003-09-27T20:41:42Z

And that last post, companions, is why friends don't let friends blog drunk.

I shall keep it there as a testament to myself to not be such a damn pussy.

Drunken Friday Night Meanderings

2003-09-27T08:10:20Z

So it seems to me that what every one wants is to meet other people, yet it also seems that every one tries their damndest to keep this from happening. I met a girl at the laundromat. noticed she was reading C.S. Lewis and started a conversation with her in this regard. I then said said (after my laundry was done) that I enjoyed talking with her and would she liek to see a movie or hike or somesuch She said sure and gave me her phone number. I also gave her mine. I have since called her three times and not recieved a phone call back or been able to get through to her.

My roommate threw a party tonight, giving out fliers to (i guess) cute freshmen girls.. Judging by the fact that he got home before i did, the party did not go so well.

So what is the deal. Am I so horribly ugly that I can't even get a girl to go to coffee with me? This isn't even counting my leukemia. If you combine everything, I honestly feel that my chance of having a relationship (i.e. they are interested and feel that i am a worthwhile enough person to have sex with) with a member of the opposite sex is roughly impossible.

Fuck it all.

boxhead @ 2003-09-17T22:34:00

2003-09-18T04:45:44Z

Mary: But I suppose life has made him like that, and he can't help it. None of us can help the things life has done to us. They're done before you realize it, and once they're done they make you do other things until at last everything comes between you and what you'd like to be, and you've lost your true self forever.

Eugene O'Neill - Long Day's Journey Into Night

Once Upon A Time In Mexico

2003-09-16T06:49:28Z

So, watched this movie last night.. interesting, perhaps a little too ambitious. However one thing did really stick with me.

(spoiler)

Johnny Depp's 3-armed blind CIA character stuck with me strongly as a walking talking metaphor for the CIA. In fact, he went beyond metaphor and through being blind and having 3 arms becomes almost a mythological figure, like an ogre or a god that can't see its victims so listens to where they are to kill them.

That and the hologram pot leaf buckle is keen. I'm impressed they were able to get the reflection so well done considering they were using film lighting. Maybe it was added in digitally later. :P

Chemo

2003-09-13T03:51:44Z

So yesterday I got a shot of chemotherapy, which means I had to go to the chemo lounge. What this basically is in hospitals is an area where everyone who's just getting their chemo for a day goes and it has a bunch of La-Z-Boys and similar comfortable chairs along with usually a selection of hard candies and coffee machines. The candy and coffee is because chemo often leaves a bad taste in your both so you want something to mask the taste on your tongue. I remember one chemo that tasted exactly like a truck stop bathroom smelled.. you know, kinda cleaner agent mixed with old urine type thing.

It was a particularly bad day for having a bunch of old folks hanging around. Most cancer patients are 60+ it seems. And usually after having gotten chemo they've gotten pretty dessicated and dried out. I mean, your body has enough trouble rejuvenating at that age to start with, then you add on a substance that kills off all quickly rejuvenating cells.

So there I am and I'm looking around and basically thinking what a perverse concept this primate need for survival is. I mean, a few of these people looked ready to drop off right there, but they were sitting in the chair taking their shot of poison so that they could do it again for another day. It reminded me of bugs and reptiles, basically chugging along this earth on sheer hind-brain power.

These are probably not proper thoughts for a Cancer Survivor to have.

More Damn Big City

2003-09-11T05:12:51Z

So my description of my trip out to Seattle has become a bit of a chore at this point. I want to write about things that are happening currently, but now that I've begun the full length description I feel that I need to finish it off. And it's a bit more of a chore because I have the nasty feeling that the only people reading my live journal are people that were on the damn trip with me. Oh well, I've been accused of not following through with things to their ends, so, dammit, we're getting this baby done.

The next two days were Bumbershoot, a music festival type thing in Seattle. It was all right. Generally speaking though it was a lot of standing in lines or wlaking around the grounds to get to a spot where you could listen to a live band that may or may not be any good. I didn't catch any lesser known bands that became my new favorite, but I enjoyed De La Soul well enough, it brought me back to jr. high. This was on Sunday. On monday we all went back again, for roughly the same experience (though I brought my hat this time, to protect my delicate, freshly shaven head) This time, we checked out a 'zine exhibit where I picked up a poetry book. The stand where I got the poetry book was manned by a fairly obese guy (I'd say 280-300) and a guy with muscular dystrophy perhaps. They were shilling the book they had contributed to.. which when I opened it was filled with generally political poetry.. very revolutionary style action. This isn't really what I was into though and when I mentioned this they offered the book I got, saying that it had love poems in it.

Personally I foudn it kind of wierd that they lumped the world of poetry into activism poetry and love poetry.. me I tend to go more for the observational style poetry. All my love poetry I write tends towards the unrequited style though...

Anyways, the poet's name is Jeffrey McDaniel and here's an example of his poetry that I liked. It's also his shortest one and I'm feeling lazy..

Trust

Who do I believe
now that the footprints
have been spun to face
one another - here
where night comes
and disassembles
her outfit of stars?

Monday night the big shows were Wilco and R.E.M. I really enjoyed the Wilco concert, getting a big kick out of how much they incorporated noise into their live show. It was like an Industrial-noise/country-pop band was up there. Wilco was my personal high point of Bumbershoot. After that came R.E.M., who were exciting to me just cause they were such a big name.. and it was nice hearing those old songs again live through amplified sound originating from the actual throat and vocal chords of Michael Stipe.

Of course at one point Stipe yells,

"Are you happy to see us Seattle?!?" *crowd cheers* "You should be, we had to come through Montana to get here!!"

sniffle

And Missoula was just voted one of the 5 top Counter-Culture spots by High Times this year.

Oh well.

Oh yeah, I also got to watch some breakdancing.. wich was like watching profesionally trained gymnasts.. but funky and cool and shit. Why couldn't I have had that kind of drive at 13 so that at 18 I could be all pop and locking it and spinning and doing 1-handed head stands.

Tuesday, my last day in, I had a sushi lunch and went to the museum. I had been told that the main exhibit was an Indian art exhibit and was thinking Native American Indian.. so I was spleasantly surprised when it was actually India/Pakistan. It was mainly a historical exhibition, dealing with the court style paintings in India until the advent of photography, with a couple of modern Indian artists thrown in.

Wow, they were so damn intriciate. And knowing what the artists had to do in order to create these different hues, the sheer colorfulness and delicate shading apparent in the photographs is mind-boggling. Of course all the art is done to the specific style (changing slightly by region) of Indian court painting, but I decided that was a formal limitation like iambic pentameter. A little structure on the art flow makes it interesting.

The other big impression I got was how damn sensual it all was. In any painting where women were involved, there was a real sense to me of 'being nude underneath their clothes'. Since many of these paintings were of mythological love scenes it makes sense. Whatever, I know sexy when I see it, and it was sexy.

There was of course, much more art.. lbut like always, too much at once and the brain is overwhelmed.

The next day I drove back.

And that was my trip, Yay!

21 ways to give yourself a headache

2003-09-08T05:30:44Z

http://www.ritsumei.ac.jp/~akitaoka/saishin-e.html

Big City Rebound pt. 2

2003-09-07T20:39:29Z

That afternoon I was invited along with everyone else to pho, which is a Korean soup/stew type dish that everyone else finds really, really tasty, but that I have a little problems with due to the heavy use of cilantro in the dish. However, I found it an excellent social type activity. Basically it's a group dinner with the idea that people are always bringing new people along to talk, etc.

I met some interesting people there and had fun later at the bar. I'm definently thinking if there's some way I should pull off a similar deal here in Missoula. I am feeling very hemmed in with my current circle of friends, not because I think they are bad people, but rather we've pretty much said almost everything we have to say to each other.

One nice thing about the restaurant we went to was the cheap price of a bowl of food (about 4-5 dollars for plenty of noodles and broth)

That night(Thursday) we went out to bar where I proceeded to get far, far ahead of my weekly doctor-approved drink quota. Of course I do this almost every week. I'm sure I am sending my liver to an early cirrhosis grave. This was my first exposure to $6 Seattle drinks. One nice thing about Montana's piss-poor economy is that the prices of everything else pretty much have to follow along with the fact that people don't have much money. As such a mixed drink here is usually about $3.50

So I got good and toasty (probably excessively so.. but I have always felt the need to use drink as a social crutch. Otherwise I tend to sit around and be bored/boring and looking off into the distance. But get a couple of drinks in me and I become instantly witty.)

Then the night is over and it's back to Cooper's.

The next day we decide to head out to the international district, mainly to buy kewl japanese foodstuffs at the local japanese superstore. Much wondering at what exactly various flavors taste like. I stick primarily with the safe chocolate stuff and other sweet action. I also buy a japanese coffee/milk drink that tastes pretty much exactly like any american coffee/milk drink, but at the great price of 2 fer .89.

I am much impressed at this price and probably mention it at least 10 times in the next day. I think I finally was able to get on poupou's nerves at the end. And here I am mentioning it again.

We then go home, and later that night we meet up with wasta's sister Katrina and her friend Kate. Some more drinking is done.

The next day, the first day of memorial weekend, me, Cooper and Poupou take the Elite and try and find some places to hike. We had a destination in mind but take a wrong turn somewhere and decidedly did not arrive there. So we walk along a couple of random trails. One trail led to a decent enough lil' waterfall whiel the other trail led up a mountain side. I was slightly dismayed at Cooper's and Poupou's ability to trek up the side of the mountain in comparison to my wheezing effort. I can't even blame anything on elevation.

That night everyone had decided to go salsa dancing. To make the lesson I had to leave pretty much directly after getting back from hiking (I think there was an hour in between.. maybe a little more.) I got the instructions from Poupou to the place and as soon as I got out the door promptly forgot what street it was on and the name of the place. I just remember that the name started with a C, and it was off Broadway a ways in a certain direction.

Oh well, I started trekking, confident in the world taking care of me, and it did alright. I found the place and walked in.

Now, here I shoudl state that I've been taking ballroom dance lessons for abotu three months, with a very nice dance teacher who is also a 2nd grade teacher. I had become used to her speed I think and had an over-high opinion of my ability to pick up a new dance. Anyways, the whirlwind dance instruction that was given that night was way, way too fast for me. I was barely getting a handle on the basic step and she'd already taught 3 turns and a transfer into a different hold.

Katrina and Kate had shown up also And were taking the dance lessons.. Kate, for her first time learnign salsa dancing , picked up the basics of the moves admirably, though she seemed to have a slight issue with dancing in step to the rhytm of the music. Of course, me and my formal ballroom dancing was probably over-anal about the exact timing.

So the dance lesson ended and actual dancing started.. which is when I got the feeling that everyone had learned the steps a lot faster than me. I fumbled around a bit on the floor with Kate and Katrina, but it wasn't until Poupou showed up (looking very nice in a dark dress) and helped through the feel and timing of the dance a bit that I felt at all natural.

I left a little early, but I did enjoy the general feel of salsa. I talked to Pauline (my local dance teacher) and she said she's willing to start teaching us mambo and cha-cha.. so I guess that'll be nice enough for now. At least when Latin music comes up I'll be able to do something.

One curious thing with my current dance instruction is that I seem to be getting a broad level of instruction. I'm learnign swing, foxtrot and waltz right now and I wonder if maybe I would be better off concentrating on those than adding in another couple of dance steps.

All right, that's enough for today...

Next, Bumbershoot and the museum and then I'm done. Whew.

Big City Rebound

2003-09-06T05:16:59Z

So I came back from a 5 day trip to Seattle a couple of days ago. It was a fairly whirlwind trip, with me crashing with my friend agentcooper for the duration. Cooper is one of the few people in my life that I think actually cares about me and truly values the fact that we are friends. And hey, he knows way too many horrible things about me for me not to keep on his good side.

The trip out there from Missoula, MT, takes about 7 hours. I zipped along at a pretty decent rate, with my '76 Ford Elite performing much better than expected. I guess America did know how to make cars. The only down note was me being pulled over in Washington and being charged $101 dollars for Not Wearing my Seat Belt. This struck me (as every legal fine I've ever acquired) as way too much. Though I did wear my seat belt through the rest of my driving in Washington, so I guess it fulfilled its role as an effective deterrent.

So when the cop pulled me over I made some half-ass pantomimes towards acting like I was taking off a seat belt, but he was apparently Not Fooled. When he stepped up to the window he said he noticed I wasn't wearing my seat belt and asked if I usually did. I kind of mumbled something about "Yeah" (I don't) and when he asked why I wasn't wearing one now I mumbled something about them not having that law in Montana. Yes, you are correct, this is not a fully thought out logical counter-argument. And I'm pretty sure they do have a wearing a seatbelt law in Montana.

Anyways, later I wondered if it would have turned out better if I just would've told the truth, which is No, I don't wear the seatbelt because it chafes the side of my neck. This reminded me of the time I was down in alabama digging ditches for cable and after hanging out with one of the workmates at a bar, when we were driving home, there was a roadblock pulling over everyone. Well, the guy that was driving (we'll call him Fred) didn't have a drivers license for whatever reason (I think it had been revoked for drunk driving) but when the cops asked him for his driver license Fred just looked at the cop and said he didn't have one. The cop waved us right through.

I think one of the great truths is that dogs, cops and women can all smell fear.

So I show up in Seattle and find Cooper's place. I get everything handled and unpacked, am dismayed at the parking situation around Cooper's place (although we find a satisfactory location about 4-5 blocks away from his apartment. In the rich area of his neighborhood (Capitol Hill). I figured the situation is that the houses on that block are so big that there are actually only 5 cars owned by everyone there. Well, maybe more, but every house also had its own parkway for the inhabitants' vehicles.) and deflate after the drive.

I also give Cooper my visiting guest present of a Totally Bad Ass Knife that i got for $20.00 on the drive to Seattle.

I'm now thinking I should have gotten him one of the bigger knives. His current one is a kinda plastic dragon thingie with a blade inside. Cute, fun, but not the pure amount of metal I would have liked to offer him.

After that Cooper gets a call from poupou and I meet what is to be my fellow apartment crasher at Coopers for the next three days. Luckily she turns out to be an officially neat person. And she makes me a better salsa dancer also.

Hmm, this is getting a little long.. I'm gonna make this a two-parter.

Rain, finally!

2003-08-22T22:23:11Z

This afternoon it finally rained.

Oh, it felt so good.

In a field not too far from my house people are keeping horses, they liked the rain also, playing around with each other, running around the field.

Hopefully this will lessen the smoke in the air somewhat.

28th Birthdays

2003-08-21T05:49:22Z

fer agentcooper and me

A Late Fall Afternoon, With the Sun on the Horizon

my mind has
flattened and wandered
like an old river
and I just 
want to run
to the edge and
                                 HEAVE
a rock 
into its calm 

make it scintillate
and incandesce

a bottle thrown
against a 
gas station wall, 
that catches the sun and eye
into a curve leading up
to
little brown birds
that have stopped their squabbling
and taken wing
against a late afternoon
apocalypse sky
with a rustle of feathers
and leaves